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Ruth Antares

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#1 Ruth Antares

Ruth Antares

Posted 05 April 2014 - 04:19 AM

The more time she spent with him, the more conflicted she felt.

 

It was hard to look into those puppydog eyes and not feel a little more than endeared. Perhaps that was the trouble to begin with; she'd never really had feelings for a guy aside from physical attraction, so it was easy to mix up those feelings for endearment. It wasn't until her lips were on his that she realized she wanted to kiss him at all. For once she wasn't acquainted with her feelings and she wasn't sure how to handle it.

 

She tried to let it fade at first. Friendship was easy with Brady in its own right; it wasn't as if they had nothing in common, anyway. The only real complication was that she wanted to kiss him half the time, and these weird feelings only got worse and worse over time. In the beginning she didn't see it as a big deal, but now she sometimes couldn't sleep because his face kept flashing in her mind. Even after all this time and only one kiss, the way his lips felt against hers was still imprinted in her mind. She'd never forget.

 

Most of her anger with herself had mostly subsided. Sure, she still felt like a complete idiot for losing her self control to begin with, but they were friends now; it wasn't as if they had to work past anything to be close again. It was already behind them. The part she was so upset about was that she'd always be hung up over Brady and she was finally embracing that. She'd never be able to get past those puppydog eyes.

 

Yet she hadn't told a soul. It'd been three months since that incident and she'd kept it to herself-- not exactly a surprise, really, considering that was how she dealt with serious situations. Her own mother's death silenced her for a solid year, and not just in the sense of denial-- she simply didn't speak. So her complete avoidance of discussing Brady with anyone was understandable, sure, and classic Ruth, but it was starting to get to her.

 

Neither was she sure how to breach the subject. In fact she was sure she wouldn't; she hadn't come to Pippa with that intent at all, but he was undoubtedly on her mind if only by default. If only because, lately, she couldn't think of much else.

 

How had this happened, anyway?

 

So with forced nonchalance she stepped into the bed and breakfast, searching for her cousin and best friend. Of course it didn't take long to locate her; as usual she was located in the kitchen. "Hey," she said with one of her typical waves, sticking her hands back in her pockets afterward. She made her way over to the bar stools and sat down, trying to think of some other subject matter besides Brady Moretti.

 

"So um," she started, eyebrows raised as she watched her. "How's it going? Long time no see."


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#2 Guest_Pippa Altair_*

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Posted 08 April 2014 - 12:12 AM

Unlike her best friend, there was nothing on Pippa's mind that she felt needed addressing. At least not on the forefront of it. Subconsciously, of course, there was and had she really thought about it she would have realized it, that there was something that she wanted to talk about, that there was something that she needed to talk about. None of those things came through, of course, she wasn't really thinking too much about this whole Raj thing at all, in fact. He was important to her, yes, more important than a lot of people, certainly more important than the person she should have been talking about, but she didn't harp too much on the thought.

 

She had however noticed her best friend's strangeness. Or perhaps that wasn't the appropriate word, but she knew the girl better than anyone else, knew her well enough to know that there was something going on in that little head of hers and while she as concerned, somehow she hadn't found enough time to address the issue. Weird enough for them considering they saw each other regularly, considering they made an effort to just shit talk whenever they did see each other, but, well, with their cousin running off and getting married to an old dude, there wasn't too much time for that.

 

Even then, Pippa hadn't expected Ruth that afternoon. Somehow, she'd been known to spend entirely too much time at the bed and breakfast. Honestly, she might as well have been living there--not a bad idea, really--and that's where she was that afternoon. It was a good way to spend her days, really. There was something about having a kitchen like this one to her disposal that she liked entirely too much. It made the whole making meals for Chase, Wes, the new guy and she who shall not be named a lot more appealing.

 

Raj was missing though. It was noticeable. His absence. She'd become too accustomed to having him around, he really was like her sous chef and not having him around wasn't something she was a big fan of. She knew it wasn't fair to ask him around all the time, even if he claimed to always want to, so she'd given him a break that afternoon, though too many times she'd glanced at her phone and thought about texting him, or hoped he'd dropped by of his own accord like he often did. Neither happened, of course and Pippa was still alone, working on a shepherd's pie when she had company.

 

"Hey," she glanced at her best friend, eyes scanning her for a moment and brow crinkling at her words. The thing about Ruth that made it easy for her and Pippa to get along was that they were both very no nonsense, they both cut to the chase quick, and they liked that about each other. So she tilted her head, wiping her hands on the towel in front of her before she cleared her throat. "Okay, spill it."



#3 Ruth Antares

Ruth Antares

Posted 08 April 2014 - 10:40 PM

Spill it.

 

The words had Ruth's heart caught in her throat, and for a moment she just sat in place, hands folded in her lap. Of course she'd have to tell Pippa about it sooner or later, but there was a part of her that wanted to hold it in and bake on it for a little while longer. To decipher how she really felt or just move past it, but neither of those things were happening, so she didn't know what else to do. Neither was she seeking advice or even comfort from Pippa, so why she was even here was beyond her.

 

But she also wasn't the sort of girl who said "nothing's wrong" or "I'm fine" when she didn't actually mean it. So she took a deep breath, eyeing her best friend nervously for a moment before letting it out. "I think I have a thing for Brady." 

 

It was the first time she'd admitted it aloud. She'd gotten close to admitting it to Brady himself back at the campsite-- she'd danced around it, implying that she thought he was sweet and cute at the very least-- but admitting it to Pippa was another thing altogether. It made it that much more real. Swallowing the everpresent knot in her throat, she continued. "I mean-- I mean I know I have a thing for Brady."

 

Perhaps it was obvious. It should've been, based on the way she interacted with him and seemed to gravitate towards him even at family events, but then again no one had really seen Ruth this way before. She couldn't recall the last time she truly liked someone, if ever. Eyes turning back to Pippa, she gave a forced smile. "We kissed at the campsite-- I mean, technically I kissed him. I don't know why. I just did and I thought, you know, that he was just some cute kid that I could flirt with but I can't get him out of my mind. I can't."

 

Part of her felt like crying now that it was all coming out. And Ruth hardly ever cried.

 

"Is it guilt? Is that why I think about him?" At this point she was just thinking aloud, running a hand through her messy blonde hair and sitting forward on the counter. "I mean it's clear that he likes me. Or did like me, anyway. I don't know if he does anymore and if it was just guilt that wouldn't bother me, right? If he thought of me as just a friend? But the thought of it does and it's extremely selfish of me. Extremely. I shouldn't want him to myself when he can't have me back."

 

Typically she was quiet. Sure, she spoke to Pippa, but neither was she the sort of person to go on such a rant like this, yet here she was. She'd done something similar when she finally spoke after her mother's death; it was odd to see that paralleled here. Months had gone by of not speaking to Pippa about this issue, yet here it was, coming out all at once.


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#4 Guest_Pippa Altair_*

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 04:54 AM

Of course, Pippa knew.

 

Not to the extent that she was explaining of course as this was the first time she'd even brought it up, the first time they were discussing it in the first place, but it was painfully obvious that there was something there and she hadn't missed it at all. Hell, she would have had to have been blind to miss it. Pippa was obsevant as hell, especially when it came to her family and more importantly when it came to her best friend. Anytime the kid was around, Ruth was with him. Or well, not anytime but often enough for her to have picked up on something.

 

The only reason she hadn't brought it up in the first place was because she knew Ruth would tell her. They told each other pretty much everything after all and if she could count on anyone to be honest with her it was definitely her. She knew the value of being truthful and of not keeping secrets. Eventually she was going to tell her. Sooner rather than later, she expected, so she didn't press. Instead she sat back and watched curiously. They'd been together in Vegas, she noticed that when they'd all split up and she'd stayed behind. And she was curious then.

 

What she hadn't known was the extend of everything. What she hadn't know was what exactly was going through her best friend's mind. They were usually so attune with each other that it surprised her to know all of these things. It made Pippa reevaluate what the hell she'd been doing for the past three months that she was so out of touch with the way Ruth felt about the guy.

 

Of course now wasn't the time to worry about her own self. And though she knew that it wasn't necessarily advice--let's be real here, no one approached Pippa Altair for advice--she was looking for,  she leaned in over the counter and listened anyway, ready to share her two cents. "I didn't know you kissed him," was all she said at first, head tilting curiously. That was somewhat of a surprise and that in and of itself was obvious in her expression. "Shit, Ruthie that was months ago, you've been thinking about him this damn long, huh?"

 

Although he was Max's best friend, he'd been around for ages, she didn't know him all too well. He was a cute kid of course, a bit of an idiot from what she could tell, but she wasn't there to judge who her cousin was into. "Why would it be guilt? Do you feel guilty for kissing him? Don't do that." She sighed, moving around the counter and leaning against it on the other side, a few feet away from the blonde. "What makes you think he doesn't like you anymore? And did you tell him you were into him?" The situation was complicated. She knew that herself from knowing Ruth like the back of her hand, but neither did she think she should have taken that blame for it.

 

"I don't think it's selfish at all, honestly, you're into him, you like him, but you don't think you can be what he needs. Doesn't mean you can't be hurt if he moves on. That's pretty shitty if you ask me, you're not a fucking robot Ruthie, you're a person, asking yourself not to be bothered by that is just impossible." Pippa tried not to think about the fact that she felt selfish after that whole, Raj with a girlfriend conversation. "Maybe you should keep your distance. That's probably easier said than done since he's Max's best friend and always around, but you know, the less you see him the less you have to think about him, right? Either that or just--" she shrugged, lips pressed together and hands held up. "Kiss him again."



#5 Ruth Antares

Ruth Antares

Posted 09 April 2014 - 06:36 AM

Why Ruth hadn't told her earlier was a mystery; she beat herself up over it, wondering why in the world she'd waste her time pondering all of this when Pippa could see right to the heart of the matter. She watched her thoughtfully, brow furrowed and expression a bit confused, as she'd never had any experience with this sort of thing. Neither did she expect to, at least not in the near future, so it was hard to understand her own perspective.

 

But Pippa outlined it pretty well. Funny how she immediately knew what Ruth was thinking with only just then having been updated. Such was the way they worked, she supposed, and she knew that Pippa likely knew everything that was going on in the first place anyway. Just like she, too, could tell that there was something going on with her best friend and that Raj guy. Already she'd been tempted to corner him, bombard him with innocent questions. She wasn't the sort that got overprotective or defensive; she merely wanted to know what sort of person he was. Maybe she could corner him in the cafeteria.

 

But now wasn't the time for those questions. ...Shortly would be the time for those questions, as part of her came here with the intent of asking them. Regardless, for now she focused on The Brady Situation, frowning thoughtfully as she looked over at her best friend. "Yeah," she admitted, swallowing back her nerves. "I don't know why I did it. I just did."

 

She just nodded at her question; of course she felt guilty about kissing Brady. Why wouldn't she? The kid clearly liked her back (at least at the time) and she'd taken advantage of his feelings by kissing him, only to back out of her feelings later. She'd seen the way she crushed his feelings, and that alone was enough to make her want to distance herself in the first place. Things ended some way or another, no matter what, and she didn't want to hurt Brady like that.

 

She didn't want to hurt like that.

 

"I don't know-- he just looked like a hopeful little puppy after I kissed him and I couldn't just dismiss it. And you know he had a really shitty experience with a girl before. She just toyed around with him and left him like it was nothing." Thinking about Erin had her feeling angry, in which case she just stared at her hands, still frowning. Oddly enough she felt somewhat jealous at the thought of someone else touching Brady, even if she hadn't really known him back then. Nor could she lay any claims to him now.

 

"So I didn't want to be that girl. But I kissed him anyway, you know? I-- I don't know if he knows. I mean after that whole party I kinda sorta told him that I just wasn't the sort of person who needed to be in a relationship, y'know, so I think he knows. I think." She watched Pippa out of the corner of her eye, crossing her feet underneath the stool. Was she being an idiot? Probably, but she didn't know how else to act. She had some legit serious feelings for Brady and didn't know how to act on them whatsoever.

 

Pippa's next little speech had Ruth thinking, but she just didn't know what to say in response. Kissing him was simply out of the question. She couldn't be what he wanted her to be and she couldn't get over her issues, no matter how much she liked him, so she didn't need to put him through that. She shook her head, smiling sadly, as if to communicate that with Pippa silently. "Do-- do you think he'd get upset if I stopped talking to him? We're really good friends now, I mean-- what if you had to start avoiding Raj, you know?"


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#6 Guest_Pippa Altair_*

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 07:01 AM

It was strange seeing her best friend like this. That was the only way she knew how to describe it. As far as they went back Ruth had never been the sort of person to get herself hung up on anyone, she'd never been the relationship sort or the attached sort. Family was about it and even then she was fairly quiet around most of them. So seeing this side of her confused her for a minute, it was as if the roles were reversed and she couldn't help but be a little taken aback by the situation. It was weird, really, and she wasn't sure what to say and how to handle it. The tables were flipped.

 

Before now it was always her that was like this. Despite her overwhelming honesty and ability to stand up for herself there was something about her personality that made her a bit of a pushover when it came to dudes. At least, she'd never had too great of an experience with most guys she'd dated and usually the brunette found herself talking to her best friend over one guy issue or another. The situations might have not been exactly the same, she'd never kissed someone like that, someone that she liked and that she knew liked him and then took a step back, but still, Ruth was in her place now.

 

And though Pippa knew that her best friend wasn't necessarily looking for advice, she still struggled finding the perfect words. She might have been good at deciphering what the girl was thinking, always had been really, but what to say next was where the hard part lied. This was something she had no experience with at all and anyone else it might have been easier to grab by the shoulders and shake, to ask what she was doing, but she knew how Ruth's mind worked, she knew she didn't want to get attached to someone, she knew she was afraid of losing people.

 

Blowing out a puff of air she listened to her speak, nodding all the while. She wasn't sure who to feel bad for in this case, though they were both proving to be pretty pathetic love sick idiots. Had her best friend not been so damn upset over it she might have thought it was cute. Nah, she still thought it was pretty cute. "That's not your fault, thought. I mean shit, don't get me wrong, that sucks, she sounds like a total cunt you know but that's not something that you caused and just because he had a shitty experience before doesn't mean you should walk on eggshells around him, you know?"

 

Sighing, she turned around, placing her forearms on the counter and shook her head. "You shouldn't have kissed him. That probably made things worse," there was no apology from her end, they'd always been overwhelmingly honest with each other. "Now you just gotta talk to him you know? You've never had a problem with that before, this shouldn't be any different. You're going to have to come to terms with one of two things. He's either gonna move on and you're gonna be friends and you'll move on too, and you will, Ruthie, it happens, or you take the risk and you do all that girlfriend shit."

 

It was a strange word to relate with her best friend, but she barreled on through. "Sometimes it's worth it you know? I'm pretty sure he knows, too, and I mean I don't know him like you do but I don't think he's moved on." She shrugged. "I'm just saying." Though Ruth's next words had her stopping and she turned to look at her curiously before frowning at the thought. "Why the hell would I ever avoid Raj?"



#7 Ruth Antares

Ruth Antares

Posted 14 April 2014 - 03:55 AM

It wasn't fair. It simply wasn't fair that she had to develop feelings for Max's silly best friend. She thought him harmless at first; at the bed and breakfast she mostly just thought it funny that he was so worked up over his best friend and the girl he'd been hanging out with. She thought it was cute, in a way, because their level of friendship was something she understood, but it was still something she thought was harmless. How it ended up resulting to this-- to this whirlwind of worries and thoughts of him-- was something she'd never catch up to.

 

She listened to Pippa somewhere in the midst of that whirlwind of thoughts, idly looking up at her. It didn't occur to her until that moment that Max might be around the bed and breakfast somewhere, which normally wouldn't have bothered her. She was so honest most of the time (see: all of the time) that she didn't care if someone overheard her, but in this case it felt oddly humiliating that her cousin might know of her feelings. Not that she was ashamed of Brady in any sense of the word, but things were already complicated as it was and she didn't want it to get any worse.

 

"I know, I'm just-- I don't know," she said, pressing a hand to her temple. Never before had she recalled being this oddly stressed. It bothered her. Typically she was so laidback and lazy that it drove people nuts, yet now she had a few things in common with her more anxious cousins. She could dismiss it, right? She wasn't the sort to dwell. So she took a deep breath, shook her head, and let it out slowly. Nothing to worry about.

 

"I know I shouldn't have," she said with a nod. "It was dumb. I wasn't thinking. I don't think he was mad, but I know he... expected more afterwards. You know?" What he expected, Ruth wasn't sure; it wasn't as if people kissed and automatically went into relationships everyday. Perhaps Pippa was right on that point, but neither could she be upset with him for that; he was the one who seemed to move past it. It was her that dwelled on the way his lips felt daily.

 

She didn't have anything to say to the next bit, though. It was true that they'd both have to move on and she'd have to come to terms with the fact that Brady couldn't always be single, but the girlfriend thing wasn't going to happen in any case. It was hard for her to wrap her mind around that word. Terrifying, actually. But Pippa's question had Ruth's eyes turning quickly back to her, her eyebrows raising just a fraction as if to ask her that question in return.

 

"Well, what if Raj was jealous? Of your uh--" What was that guy's name? "Your boyfriend? Raj is always around. People would think he was your boyfriend instead." Slowly the corner of her lips upturned into a smirk despite her worries. "So what if Raj has feelings? Would you have to avoid him? What would you do?"


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#8 Guest_Pippa Altair_*

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Posted 14 April 2014 - 04:21 AM

There was a part of her that actually thought all of this was oddly cute. Just a small part of her. There was something about seeing her best friend liking someone that made her smile, if only for the fact that she'd never seen that side of her before. It was new and interesting and she was endlessly curious about what was going through her head. What had gotten them to this point even. She'd known that they'd been hanging out, that they'd been spending time together, especially with Max being busy with his new little girlfriend, but she had to wonder what it was that they even did that got them to this point.

 

The other part of her didn't like seeing her best friend so stressed. It was worrisome and that was one thing she hated, being worried about Ruth. Not that he wasn't caring, not that she wasn't concerned, hell, Pippa looked out for every single damn member of the family in different ways, but there was something about her in particular that killed her. She'd known what it was like for her to be upset and she didn't like it one bit. She might have not been overly protective of everyone like Nat and Toby were, but her worries were still there and she felt conflicted in her thoughts.

 

What she did know was that both of them seemed to be in a shitty situation and she had no idea how to handle it. She was damn glad it wasn't her in her place, though she stood back and frowned unsure of how even to relieve her best friend of the slightest of stress. "You just like him, you wanted to make him happy," she shrugged, making her way around the counter and pulling out the tea kettle. "It's easy to let that sort of thing blind you, but now look at where it's gotten you, you gotta be more careful, that kid's like a damn puppy dog."

 

She was sure his feelings were hurt over the whole damn thing, too. "I'm not saying you're like this other girl that fucked him up but you have to talk to him before he starts thinking you are, you know? At least if you still want to be friends, get that shit all out of your system, tell him how you feel, lay it all down on the line and then find out a way to make sure you guys can work through it, otherwise you run the risk of losing him and I know you don't want to do that." The thought of her just giving it a try was on the tip of her tongue but she knew her cousin better than that. 

 

"Sometimes people are just meant to be friends, and if you can keep him around and both of you get past all that, maybe it'll be really good, you never know." She shrugged again, and yet again she thought about it, this time there was no holding back. There was only so much censoring that Pippa could do. "Or you could just date him, maybe it'll be great." Though she knew what her cousins answer would be. Idly she wondered how meddlesome it would have been to attempt to play matchmaker, probably too far. Way too far.

 

The change in conversation had her eyebrow raising as she passed a cup of tea to Ruth. "Tide, his name is Tide, and he's not, why would he be? He's just my best friend. Besides, he said the other day he didn't think relationships were for him." It was difficult to not get upset over that topic. "It's a different situation entirely, so no, I wouldn't have to avoid him."



#9 Ruth Antares

Ruth Antares

Posted 23 April 2014 - 03:29 AM

”I know, I know,” Ruth said, head in her hands, fingers clapped over her ears. She was still listening intently to everything Pippa had to say, yes, but her posture was almost one of shame as she waited for her to finish. How had she been so stupid to begin with? Typically she had a wealth of common sense; she knew exactly how to handle herself in situations like these. Which entailed, of course, keeping her nose out of them entirely.
 
So the very fact that she was sitting here listening to this-- that she needed this advice of sorts at all-- was troubling in and of itself. She’d almost taken pride in keeping her head above water in social situations, yet here she was, neck deep in a ridiculous crush on her cousin’s best friend. Was it even a crush anymore? She had the feeling it was already far past that.
 
Her shame, however, didn’t keep her from turning her eyes to Pippa for a moment, giving her a glare that told everything as she suggested yet again for her to date him. It was an odd reaction from her-- in fact she couldn’t even see herself yet knew the resemblance she undoubtedly bore to her brother in that moment. Taking a deep breath, she concluded that none of this was Pippa’s fault at all. She was just being honest, which was a value Ruth normally appreciated to the ends of the earth.
 
”I’m not dating him,” she said with a tone of finality, though it was tinged with doubt. In fact she seemed downright uncertain about that decision, but neither did she want to talk about it. Instead she gave a resolute shake of her head, as if dismissing the thought entirely, and focused instead on Pippa and her... well, she supposed they weren’t troubles, but perhaps her best friend could use a healthy dose of honesty herself.
 
”Best friend, huh? Hate to say it but someone already fills that role for you,” she said, motioning at herself though otherwise not stopping. It wasn’t as if she was jealous, she just knew better than to think Raj was just that for her. ”You sure that’s all? Just your friend? I mean you guys do seem kinda... you know. Into each other and all that.”
 
It felt odd to have this conversation with Pippa at all. First it was her and Brady and now this. Perhaps they were growing up after all, something that had her wanting to hit the brakes on their conversation altogether. In fact panic might have flashed in her eyes for a few moments; this routine was easy and comfortable. She hated the idea of getting adjusted to a new one, perhaps with others in tow.
 
”Not the relationship type, huh? Sounds to me like he just hasn’t found the right relationship,” she joked with a wink, hoping Pippa would know what she meant.

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#10 Guest_Pippa Altair_*

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Posted 21 May 2014 - 05:48 AM

Of all the conversations they had, of all the times they'd spoken about relationships and things of that nature, Pippa honestly didn't imagine them having one that involved Ruth. Not that she thought her best friend was destined to be forever alone, no, she knew that she would find someone eventually, that one day she'd meet someone and forget all about her fear of losing people; she'd just never expected it to happen this damn soon. Neither had she expected for Ruth to be so adamantly against it, but there was nothing she could really do about that.

 

Of course, Pippa herself had been on this side of the fence too many times. There was no one else but Ruth that she asked about relationships, even if the girl had no experience in them herself. Pippa was the one person anyone in the family came to to get the truth and in turn, it was her cousin that she turned to for the same favor. It was weird, strange to be on the other side of things and she almost had to laugh to herself about it. For once it was Ruth with boy troubles. For once it was she that was stable and happy and not really worried about anything at all.

 

Or so she thought.

 

"Fine. Then accept the fact that you're going to be friends and that he's going to date other people and that there's nothing you can do about it. And that it's going to suck, that you're going to get jealous and want to kiss him again and again and again but you won't be able to." Sighing Pippa leaned over and looked at her best friend in the eyes. "Don't kiss that boy again if you don't intend to date him, Ruthie, he's like more fragile than Max ever was. You can't keep stringing him along like that, I know you know better than that, but I just want to remind you." 

 

It was funny and strange how one moment she was content with the conversation not being about her for once, and then the moment it turned to her she frowned, shaking her head and sighing. "Yeah, yeah, you know you're my number one. I don't have to reassure you on that one." She rolled her eyes, knowing that her best friend wasn't jealous, but knowing that she herself would remind her of that, too. For her, Ruth came before anyone else. Though Raj was certainly a close second. "But he is my best friend and he's sweet and I like having him around."

 

She scoffed, obviously blind to what the blond was talking about. "I like Tide, first of all, and we're not into each other, we're just close. He likes hanging around. He likes all of us, not just me-- he's always over here." It just so happened that Pippa was, too. Bumping her shoulder with Ruth she moved to the other side of the kitchen. "The right relationship isn't with me." Was all she said, though again the thought of him with anyone else bothered the hell out of her. Shrugging, she looked at her again. "I'm not dating him," she said repeating Ruth's earlier words.







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