Susie. 21. Junior. Kim Hyun-a.
> August 9
major of study
> Huntsville, Alabama, US
> Symphonic Band
He was firm but not angry. She cleared her throat and screwed her eyes shut. "Is everything allright?" No, she wanted to say. Everything was most certainly not allright, but she just nodded. "Yes. I was up too late last night. I apologize. I will do better next time." Though the timbre of her voice made it sound like she wasn't mentally present for the delivery of the apology, she began to play again in earnest this time. She knew this song. She had been working on it for weeks. Well, not the whole song. Really just a few really, ridiculously difficult parts.
And it wasn't like she wasn't trying. She was trying. And she was succeeding. She was getting better, there was no doubt about that. She was a great pianist. Sometimes, she enjoyed playing the instrument. Most of the time it was... well, homework. It was what she was going to school for. It was what her whole childhood was built around. It was a part of her life. A good part of her life. She was making her parents proud.
She played until the next mistake she made, hiccuping slightly but without even acknowledging it until she came to the next part of the piece. Professor MacHanning's voice droned over the din of self-deprecation in her mind. The interpretive marks deceived her. Key signature mocked her. She swallowed and nodded hollowly, his words having fallen on deaf ears. Her eyes were burning and her throat locked up. She wasn't going to cry. This wasn't even that bad. There was nothing wrong. She had no reason to cry. So many had it worse than she did. She should be thankful.
Out of the corner of her eye she could see Professor MacHanning holding out a box of tissues for her. She blinked and immediately became shocked as she realized that tears had been running down her face for some time now. Sheepishly, she reached out and took one of the kleenexes and began to pay her eyes dry. The more she mechanically pressed the soft tissue to her face, though, the more she cried. "I don't know what I'm doing," she managed to get out before quietly sobbing into her hands which were now clasped over her face.
Here she was again. Having another crying breakdown in front of her piano professor. How embarrassing for him to have to witness her existential crisis.