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Sawyer Cooden

sawyer cooden melli

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#1 Sawyer Cooden

Sawyer Cooden

Posted 09 November 2015 - 09:57 PM

sawyer cooden

thirty. zoology professor. joshua jackson.


> march 18th

faculty position

> zoology professor


> denver > colorado


> none

You were born first.

People rarely understand just how much responsibility is thrust upon the eldest sibling. You understand more deeply than many; you understand the resentment you feel towards your younger siblings, the worry you feel when they’re in dangerous situations, and the sheer feeling of being the “experimental” child. Your parents bounced tactics off of you, and they were well-practiced and prepared for the next children that they gave birth to.

Some might find this existence… frustrating. But somehow you adapted to the best of your ability. In your younger years, you were always compliant with your parents’ wishes. When your parents told you to sit still, you sat idly by, always obedient. Your next sibling, two years your junior, was your polar opposite. You were jealous of the sheer amount of attention he got for acting out, but you remained as loyal to your parents as always, aside from that odd temper you developed at that age.

But the rivalry between two was short lived. Two short years later, they had another— the first daughter, no less, so more deserving of their attention in another way. Your jealousy built in a different way, naturally, but your protective nature was starting to blossom. It was hard not to feel protective of your younger sister when she was picked on in school.

Your second brother was born in the meantime. All smiles, he was obedient just the same as you, and you wondered if yet again your thunder was to be stolen. It was difficult not to be envious of every little trait of your siblings, as you’d always been terribly self-conscious. Even as a two year old child you apologized unnecessarily, worked yourself up over the smallest of things. This didn’t change by the time you were six; instead, with every birth of a new sibling, you became more and more worrisome.

That wasn’t all due to your self-esteem issues, however. You simultaneously stood as a watchful protector, always there for your siblings despite that inherent envy. You were a pacifist even then, so perhaps you didn’t react with violence like your closest brother, but you reacted with care. Idealism. Oddly enough, despite your envy and self-esteem issues, you were born with a good, naive heart and it remains prominent to this day. You’re idealistic, positive, wanting to believe the best in everyone. Even your bullies in school were treated with kindness on your part.

Three years later, the twins were born. Yet again unique in their own way, you had no chance of contending. Twins, they all said. What a unique family. You stood to the side, quietly accepting your place in the family as the eldest and most responsible. At least you received some attention.

But you project too many of your insecurities onto your parents. You’ve always been that way. Family has always been incredibly important to you, and your fear of disappointment and rejection is ingrained in you. You worry about most things you do. You waste your time mulling over the details, and you feel ashamed every time you admit that you still haven’t found a girlfriend to your parents. Not that you haven’t had them— hell, your first girlfriend was in your second year of high school. It’s just that you haven’t attracted… long term relationships.

That, of course, has more to do with the fact that you’re just too damn trusting. You’re naive, no matter how many times you get your heart broken. You’re a romantic, and you have a lot to give, but you can’t help yourself. You’re easily manipulated. Anyone who smiles at you is your friend in your mind, even if you’re an introvert. Even if typically you’re most comfortable in the presence of an animal as opposed to a human.

And that is true. From your first exposure to an animal, you became fascinated, aware of exactly what you wanted to do in life. It was no shocker when you became a biologist, but we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Long before that, your youngest sibling and the only other sister into the family was born.

She was born when you were thirteen. Perhaps that disconnect has to do with that; you weren’t home as she grew up. You were off at boarding school. Yet you cared deeply, always taking care to ask about her weekly, always the watchful protector even far away. And sometimes you wonder if things would have ended up differently if you’d been there to influence her, help her through life. With so many children to watch after, you felt as though she fell through the cracks.

Perhaps that was why you cared so much, too. You felt the same way. Of course you related to your other siblings in certain ways, but the two of you shared that thought, even if it was rarely spoken. Even if, as she aged, you barely knew her.

You graduated from college without much fanfare. Decent marks, sure, but otherwise you were the same as everyone else; lost, worried, confused. Having been thrust with little warning into the adult world, you weren’t sure what to do. Somehow you thrived, however; being the eldest, again, had its perks. You learned how to take care of yourself from a fairly young age, but the loneliness was not something you were equipped to handle. You’d been around people from two years up, and now you were seemingly alone.

But as mentioned before, it didn’t take long for you to find a job with animals. It cured your loneliness for the most part, though you still desired human contact. Again, all you could find were people who were bound to take advantage of you, if only because you were so soft-spoken. Fearful of rejection, fearful of other people. You’re friendly enough, polite, outwardly kind, but you just don’t leave much of an impression. Unless you’re angry. Because boy, you’ve still got that temper you has as a child; not so easily sparked, but when it is, you say things you don’t mean. Despite your inherent pacifism, you can be convinced to act another way.

Your youngest sister is your current biggest worry. She's a mess. Having lost some close friends in a car accident in high school, she's simply changed. Closed off emotionally from the world, she cannot deal with the feelings that plague her on a daily basis. She comes across as cold, manipulative, and self-centered. But you still care.

She bounced around with her siblings’ homes, taking advantage of their kindness. You were warned repeatedly not to take her in, but you were kinder than the rest of them once she’d exhausted their resources. And maybe you viewed her as a child still— not one of your own, no, but still your baby sister. So you took her in. Now you’re weathering a storm of your own— now you’re in way over your head.


27. CST. pm. character #idk.

application by nicole (i, ii, iii, iv).

Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: sawyer cooden, melli

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