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Kappa Zeta Epsilon party thread

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#101 Sofia Woods

Sofia Woods

Posted 27 June 2016 - 11:16 PM

Sofia threw up her hands at his question as if to say "what other option do I have?" And that was truly a good question. He shared nearly every good childhood memory with her, and even past that-- he was her first love and it ended badly. So badly that this was the first time she'd spoken to him since their falling out in the cafeteria. She hadn't been over it at graduation and now, a year later, she still wasn't over it. There was no use in pretending she was over it, or that she could be the bigger person and not act like a petty bitch every time she saw him.

 

"Fine," she hissed at him, annoyed that he wanted to talk about it at all. What even was there to talk about? She'd assumed they'd stay together after high school, yet he seemed to pick every college on the opposite side of the country while also hanging out with a girl who had a serious case of the hearteyes. And when she was being irrational it ended-- and voila-- who is Preston dating in the aftermath? That bitch.

 

Yeah, she was still bitter.

 

So it went without saying that she wasn't even sure what there was to talk about. As she stepped out on the lawn she crossed her arms over her chest, spinning to look at him, expression set. "By all means. What the fuck do we have to talk about?"



#102 Preston Hodges

Preston Hodges

Posted 28 June 2016 - 12:07 AM

Preston had a very bad feeling about this entire situation - seeing Sofia again, asking Sofia to talk to him - yet what choice did he really have? It would be considerably worse, a slower burn, to just go back to what the past year had been. He couldn't do that. He couldn't just pretend that Sofia wasn't in arm's reach now. He couldn't just ignore the fact that he had the means to finally get that clean break he needed so desperately to move on from. 

 

"What the fuck do we have to talk about?For a moment, Preston couldn't even believe that she was asking this question of him. Of course, he knew that she was bitter - petty in a sense. He had known her long enough, gotten in enough fights with her, that this shouldn't have even come as a shock to him. Yet, Preston was moreso hoping that she was also looking for a resolution to the shitty aftermath that their relationship had left. "This is exactly what we should be talking about. This!" Preston gestured to the space between the both of them, crackling with tension and intensity. "A year later and you're still pushing me the fuck away, Sofia. I'm trying to find a solution to this and you're just pushing me away." Preston ran a hand through his hair, frustrated at her. Frustrated at them. Frustrated at just how quickly his alcohol buzz had deflated. 



#103 Sofia Woods

Sofia Woods

Posted 28 June 2016 - 12:51 AM

Sofia scoffed and threw her hands up in the air yet again as he spoke, every word of his cutting right to the core of her even if none of them were off or rude. All he was doing was pointing out how hostile she was being, how hostile she'd been since that confrontation in the cafeteria, and how that was likely unacceptable given they were going to occupy the same space. But she still had half a mind to tell him to go ahead and transfer back, then, if only because she couldn't see any other alternative.

 

"I don't know of any fucking solutions other than avoiding each other entirely, Preston. It didn't work." Those three words fell from her lips and she suddenly felt like a failure, her eyes flashing with fear for a full second before she looked away, trying to keep her composure. This was the last thing she wanted. She wanted to go out and make new friends so she could erase this kind of history, but he was right here, wasn't he? He was trying to talk to her. She had so many questions lurking on the tip of her tongue but she left them all there, swallowing the knot in her throat as she shook her head.

 

"And I don't not know how to not be angry about it. That hasn't changed. I wish I could say I've grown up and I'm less petty but holy shit--"

 

No crying. She swore that to herself in that moment. She couldn't cry. No no no.



#104 Preston Hodges

Preston Hodges

Posted 28 June 2016 - 01:06 AM

"You're always going to be angry about it because you never let me explain anything. You assumed and you pushed me away and -" The other words wouldn't come and Preston began to feel like a hypocrite. He was telling her to talk about it, to get through their problems the old fashion way, yet it felt impossible for him to get the words out. What if they really had failed? What if it really didn't work? Preston wanted to talk about it but - what if they talked about it and nothing changed between them? He couldn't decide what would be worse.

 

"I didn't want this to happen. Breaking up. Having to see you again. Feeling like no matter what I do - even with the most sound argument in the world - I'm still going to be a piece of shit to you." Preston didn't want to do this anymore. He didn't want to be the only one talking because that felt like failure in and of itself. Irrationally, he thought Why did I have to fall in love with someone who can't communicate well. But that was the most frustrating part of it. You don't choose who you love and you can't choose to stop loving someone. You just had to choose how you made it work and right now, Preston felt like he had no options. "Just talk to me." he tried again, unwavering frustration clear in his voice. 



#105 Min Jia

Min Jia

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Posted 28 June 2016 - 01:39 AM

Aw, wasn't this cute? A little prospect trotting over to play. Then again, she wasn't stupid, she'd known exactly what he had approached for. His game was pretty good, too, and she could see it working on girls that were interested in that sort of thing but unfortunately for him, she wasn't one of those girls. No, she was more like competition, sly and sneaky and cunning all the same, just as charming as she could be in her own rights. Still, she couldn't help but feel the need to humor him, her eyes bright as she turned to face him head on, a hand lifting lazily to rest beneath her chin as she tilted her head almost playfully. The way she watched him wasn't entirely unlike a predator seizing up its prey, her own stare not much different than how she imagined he'd looked at her just before his approach.

"Hottest girl here? Wow, whatta compliment! Real charmer, aren't ya? Buuut, you see, I think you might be wrong on that one. See that girl over there?" She was pointing shamelessly, not a fuck given if she was spotted. "She has a killer setta tits. And that one there?" Another shameless point, this time with an added wink thrown in the girl's direction. "Fuckin' amazing legs. Beautiful. There's a hell of a lot of talent here, dude, so while I know I'm pretty nice, I'm definitely not the hottest." Was he getting it yet? She'd dropped hints so subtly, so carefully that it could easily be construed as anything else, insecurity or maybe even just appreciation.

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#106 Sofia Woods

Sofia Woods

Posted 28 June 2016 - 01:44 AM

It wasn't at all cold outside, but Sofia still curled her arms into herself, as if she thought she might disappear if she made her form small enough. It was a defense mechanism he'd likely recognize, one she often used when she felt silly or embarrassed or hell, when they fought while they were together. This shit was making her head spin, was making her feel just as ill as she ever felt when they fought in a relationship. Even if he was gone already, that fear that he would leave remained in the back of her mind, a stinging reminder that they hadn't made it work. That she was fucking crazy and he'd seen that, he'd changed his mind after years of friendship. After falling in love.

 

How could she feel any more rejected?

 

"You didn't even-- you didn't even look into colleges near me or near us you just-- you just applied." She hung her head as she admitted this, suddenly feeling deflated. She wanted to be furious, to bubble up and be so angry that she exploded, but it wasn't coming out right. She was still so hurt. "Did you date her just to get back at me? Was that what that was about? And then you didn't-- you didn't talk to me."

 

Oh god, she was crying. Oh no, oh no. She pressed her hands to her eyes as if to block the flow, taking in deep breaths to calm herself. She was so sad and angry that she was crying. "I gave you that letter at graduation and you-- you didn't even--"



#107 Preston Hodges

Preston Hodges

Posted 28 June 2016 - 03:14 AM

He wanted so badly to be angry with her and let all the painful thoughts he had had throughout the course of the last year spill out. In fact, he had rehearsed it - he had planned to do that but that was the problem with plans. They changed so easily that they left you disorientated sometimes. He had planned to go to college on the East Coast but somehow found himself back in Colorado after his first year. He had planned to forget about Sofia but - here he was, heart aching and thoughts jumbled up with his emotions like a fatal pile up on a freeway. 

 

"Because I thought that it didn't matter, Sofia. I thought that it didn't matter what colleges we went to and how far away they were because we were - we had --" Preston shoved the palms of his hands against his eyes and rubbed. How was this so impossible to admit? The words were there, clear as day in his mind until he opened his mouth and tried to say them and then they twist and contort themselves in ways that are impossible to untangle. His fear of vulnerability, of failure, was making this hard. Maybe it always would. 

 

"I - I dated her because - " He couldn't think of a proper excuse. Why had he dated Samantha? Why had he gone to the one girl that had started the entire accusation that he was a cheater? Preston didn't know. "I didn't want to hurt you. I wanted to make myself stop hurting. I -" Fuck. He was still hurting. 

 

Preston watched as Sofia pressed her hands to her eyes and resisted the urge to do the same. He wasn't sure if anything could have made this situation any worse, already having to rehash all of the horrible moments that had led up to the one that they were currently sharing. Yet, watching Sofia cry over him - over them - was tearing an entirely new hole through his chest. "The letter?" He asked, words struggling to work past the angry lump in his throat. "You mean the letter that was talking about 'moving on' and - and 'leaving the old things behind'?" Suddenly, Preston was doing his best to remember what the letter had said. It wasn't entirely hard, considering the amount of times he had read through it. There had been a time where he tried his best to forget what the letter had said, wishing to ditch anything that made his chest ache.

 

Had he read it all wrong? Had he completely missed the point she was trying to make? Another failure. Another mistake. Preston was struck hard with regret. "What do I - What do we -- ?" 



#108 Sofia Woods

Sofia Woods

Posted 28 June 2016 - 03:47 AM

What the hell was happening? They were sorta, kinda communicating. After a year of silence he was confronting her in the yard of this stupid party, at the college they'd both be attending now. Ironic. If they'd just done this to start with, there might not have been as many issues. But as it was she couldn't help but dwell on it, couldn't help but imagine Samantha going to the same fucking school and kissing him and being with him and marrying him-- even now those images played through her mind on repeat, scrambling into a general mess of sadness and anger.

 

She'd always been an angry person. She knew that. He knew that. It was one of the only ways she knew how to take out intense emotion, one of the reasons they fought so hard in the first place. When she was upset it channeled into anger, when she was worried or scared of what the future held. Irrational accusations flew out of her mouth before she had the chance to keep them pinned in, but what hurt more than the fight itself was seeing some of her suspicions confirmed. There had been chemistry between him and Samantha. Maybe not cheating-- she was rational enough to know he wasn't capable of that now-- but the remaining hurt was there nonetheless.

 

And oh, was she crying. Tears flowing from her cheeks like a river draining into the sea, unstoppable. She didn't even have answers for him, just this profound sadness, just these wounds being ripped right open again at the mere sight of him, much less his words. Much less his voice, so familiar yet so missed, no matter how much she tried to deny it. She missed him. She missed everything about him, even now. Even a year later.

 

"I don't know, I don't know," she admitted, folding in on herself, holding her elbows with each hand. "I don't know." Could they move past it? Did she even want to? Did she want to declare this an utter failure and move on? And what if they did move past it-- what did that mean? Friendship?

 

That tore her heart out and stomped on it. She'd fallen in love with him, no matter how badly she wanted to reverse it.

 

"I don't know why I wrote that letter or what I meant I just-- I just wanted you to--" Did she want him to run after her? Did she want some grand apology? Not really, no. "I just wanted closure. I didn't get that. Any of it."



#109 Preston Hodges

Preston Hodges

Posted 28 June 2016 - 10:56 PM

Living through the past year had felt like such a long time. Every day was a chore. Every week felt like months. It was almost like his heart had been keeping track of the time in his life and when it broke, time didn't pass as fast as it used to. It was a dramatic way of thinking about things but - Preston couldn't find any other way to explain it. 

 

"Sof..." Was all he found himself able to say. She was curling in on herself, shielding herself like he had grown to know her to do when things got rough. How often did she still do that? Even now, when he could notice the obvious differences in her posture and general self-image from nearly a year ago? Did she still curl in on herself when she noticed she was getting too much attention? When she was in places that she wasn't comfortable being in? Had she learned to hide it when it matter most like he had? 

 

Words weren't doing him any justice in giving either of them a peace of mind about the situation. In fact, coming up with words were just about the hardest thing about the situation. How could he word what he wanted to say perfectly? How was he able to stop her from crying and also lessen the burden on his heart? He couldn't - so he fell back on habits and let his instinct with Sofia take over. He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, completely fearful that this could backfire but seeking comfort in it anyway. 



#110 Sofia Woods

Sofia Woods

Posted 29 June 2016 - 08:43 AM

None of it was rational. None of it had ever been rational and that was part of the problem, part of why her head spun and ached when she thought too much of him, why her heartbreak had never resolved itself. Her every memory of him was tainted by their angry goodbye, his young and smiling face in her favorite tree replaced instead by his sheer embarrassment when she confronted him. She couldn't think of him crawling into her window without thinking of his lips on hers, couldn't think of the fence in her backyard without remembering the time he scraped his knee trying to sneak back to his house.

 

Was he the same person? Had a year's time changed him? Judging from the way he reacted to her, he was still much of the same person, still Preston. Not her Preston, not anymore. That was what hurt most, a sharp pain delivered right between her ribs, a permanent sting that she only noticed when he occupied her thoughts. Even now she still loved him and hated him and everything in between. 

 

His arms around her were familiar at first, nearly welcome. Wasn't this what she'd missed? Perhaps that would have been precisely what she needed amid her accusations, when she'd lost all rational thought and descended into a white hot fire of jealousy. But now it was the worst thing she could imagine. The walls she'd built up around herself were crumbling at his touch and she shrunk out of his grip, moving back, arms out to ward him away.

 

"I'm fine," she lied through gritted teeth. "Don't-- I'm okay. I'm not crying." It was laughable how much of a lie that was. "I mean, I'm not going to cry anymore I'm--" Now she was rambling. "Everything's going to be okay. You can do your thing and I'll do my thing and if we interact we'll... uh." She had no suggestions. She had nothing but that cloudy swirl of emotions dominating her thoughts, and she hated it.



#111 Preston Hodges

Preston Hodges

Posted 29 June 2016 - 09:02 AM

Preston hadn't really known what to expect when he had approached her with open arms. Had he done it with optimism? Had he done it out of selfishness, a way to comfort himself in the midst of all of this? Either way, the sting of rejection when she stepped away, shielding herself with her arms as if he had come in for an attack, was worse than he could imagine. What had gone so wrong between them that this is what they had come to? If he had described the state of their relationship now to himself a year ago, he wouldn't have believed it, would have hated himself for lying about something so viciously untrue. 

 

"Don't walk away from me, please. Don't do that again because I -" He felt panic rise up in him, regretful and fearful of feeling that type of pain again. Sure, the first time she had walked away, it hadn't hurt nearly as much. He had been naive to the heartbreak that was forming inside him. He had been ignorant to the fact that they would never make up from it and the rift between them would get thousands of miles bigger so suddenly. But now - Now Preston knew what it felt like when Sofia walked away and he wasn't ready for it to happen again despite everything they were going through just occupying the same space. "I don't know what to do." 

 

He was crying now, which made this so different, so foreign, from every fight they've had in the past. He had always saved his tears for the moments between the fights and their reunions, when the adrenaline left and the fear took over. Back then, he didn't know what it felt like to lose things and now that he knew - well, he had never been this frightened before. To lose things all over again even though he technically hadn't even gotten them back in the first place. 



#112 Sofia Woods

Sofia Woods

Posted 29 June 2016 - 09:13 AM

Had she been the one to walk away? Was that the perception he had, the stance he took in all of this? She often wondered that-- she often tortured herself with that when she laid in dark silence, her eyes snapped shut as she tried to force sleep. Her mind always came to the same conclusions that Preston hated her, thought she was crazy, had little affection left for her. The only way she knew how to react to that onslaught of negativity was by responding with anger in tenfold, a defense mechanism that she'd long grown used to.

 

Before her falling out with Preston, she'd always been known for her quick tongue, for her ability to stand up for herself even if she didn't go looking for trouble. Her first semester of college earned her the reputation of bitter bitch, only a few friends standing by to learn otherwise. Her second semester saw her loosen up; she still had that bitterness buried inside but it was subtle now, evident only in her half-smiles and her distant eyes. 

 

All of that progress had been thrashed to pieces as the mere sight of him, her heart ripped open by this conversation alone. It was ridiculous and she was aware of it, but love didn't make sense. That was part of why it had been so difficult to navigate in the first place. 

 

"No, no--" She muttered as she opened her eyes to see him crying there in front of her, his own heartbreak evident in it all. This wasn't manipulation; she knew him, she knew his tears, she'd dried them countless times before. Her thumbs ached to do that even now, even when she knew she was forbidden to touch him that way. "I-- I'm crazy again, I don't know-- I was trying so hard to be different, but it's-- I'm sorry--" Her eyes were wide with fear as again, she realized what she'd known all along: this was a self inflicted wound.



#113 Preston Hodges

Preston Hodges

Posted 29 June 2016 - 09:34 AM

Preston felt so vulnerable - standing outside of his House, arms crossed and tears streaking down his face as he pleaded for the girl he loved (and still, painfully, loves) to not walk away from him again. It wasn't that he was embarrassed - No, Preston was never the type of guy to think of crying as an emasculating thing. It was more that he was now showing Sofia just how hurt he had been over their entire breakup and if she walked away from him again this time - well, wouldn't that just mean that they had no more chances left? 

 

"You're not - If you being crazy mattered to me, do you think... I mean, do you think I would have fallen in love with you in the first place if it really mattered so much?" Preston shook his head and rubbed his cheek against his shoulder, trying to dry it without being obvious. "I've known you since we were kids, Soap..." His voice cracked, lowering in volume as he spoke. "I knew what I was getting into... I don't -" Preston looked up at the sky before closing his eyes tight. Why was this so hard? Why did love have to hurt so long after it had been abandoned? 



#114 Sofia Woods

Sofia Woods

Posted 29 June 2016 - 09:44 AM

Why did she have to be such an emotional person? Reactive, always so quick anger or upset, always so defensive. Her self esteem had been in tatters for years, ever since she was first seen as unworthy of Preston. He'd been hers in every way before the start of their relationship, friends from childhood that had a bond that was indescribable. All it took was vague rude comments in the hallway-- "why would he hang out with her?"-- and she was a mess of self-deprecation, constantly sizing herself up to others, constantly wondering if he would eventually see and think that too.

 

She never gave him enough credit. She'd seen that occasionally, on the nights she was upset and willing to admit that she'd been at fault in all this. She saw that now, as he cried, as he was so understandably upset by the nonsensical shit she'd pulled. He loved her and she knew that, as it was all part of why it hurt. She missed the deep, trusting bond they had, that feeling that someone had her back no matter what. It went beyond their love and down to their friendship, down to the first bond they'd ever formed. It was irreplaceable.

 

"I'm sorry," she muttered again, no defense in her voice, just sadness and genuine remorse. Her apologies had never come easy to her, and this was no exception; one year later and it took him breaking down in the yard of a frat house for her to come to terms with the stupid shit she'd pulled. "I screwed it all up because I was terrified. I'm sorry. Please don't cry, Preston, please--" She pled with him now, brow knitted together in the center, her heart split in two at the sheer sight of seeing him that way.

 

And she'd always been that way. She'd always hated the sight of him crying, had always backed down immediately due to it. Even as kids she was the one to doctor his wounds, the one to soothe him when he needed it most. Now was no exception, even if she kept at an arm's distance, her sad eyes watching him as if that was some sort of replacement for physical contact.



#115 Preston Hodges

Preston Hodges

Posted 29 June 2016 - 08:52 PM

The break-up wasn't entirely on Sofia's shoulders, he knew. They had both made moves that attributed to it. She had screamed at him, lost her cool and accused him of things when he was already stressing out about college and finals and nearly everything else that came with Senior year. It hadn't been a good mix of emotions for him, the embarrassment mixed with the hurt from the lack of trust towards him, and it seemed to take it's toll. Yet, Preston could have gone after her. He knew that she would be too stubborn to come around to him and apologize and really - had she really been off base with her accusations? He knew of Samantha's affections towards him, and it honestly felt good to feel wanted by someone whenever he and Sofia would have their fights, so he had done nothing to stop that. That was entirely on him and he had known that from the beginning. 

 

"I'm sorry about - about Samantha, about not... not coming after you when I should have." He started, the apologies tumbling out of him as if they had been fighting for freedom for months (and they had). "I'm sorry I didn't understand your letter correctly. I'm sorry - for-- for--" He could apologize about everything. He could apologize for every small insecurity that he irrationally attributed to causing the breakup. But would it matter? Would the apologies matter at this point? 

 

Of course they would matter. Preston thought. It's selfish to think otherwise. 



#116 Sofia Woods

Sofia Woods

Posted 29 June 2016 - 10:04 PM

Apologies spilled out of him and she wanted him to stop, to shut up. Because unintentionally or not, every apology was a sharp stab, another blow to the stomach as she realized how much guilt he carried. Even before this she hadn't wanted him to carry guilt; certainly an apology would've been nice but she knew, she understood how idiotic she'd been. It was more that she wanted to erase the memory out of her mind at all, to eradicate the entire existence of their relationship. Because yes, she was stubborn. And yes, she was humiliated. But more than anything, she knew she'd been self-destructing, that something was wrong with her that she couldn't quite put a finger on. And she was terrified of blowing up like that at him again.

 

"Preston, please stop apologizing," she muttered, shaking her head, still holding herself. "If you want absolution of blame, it-- none of this is your fault. I'm sorry that I yelled. I don't know what's wrong with me." She sniffed, oddly composed for a few moments, the weight of this moment seemingly holding her down. Like she didn't have the energy for it. She glanced behind her, up the lawn again, and finally to him.

 

"I'm sorry I ruined your night, I'm-- I'll stay away from here, okay? It'll be fine."



#117 Preston Hodges

Preston Hodges

Posted 29 June 2016 - 10:25 PM

Preston was starting to get the idea that maybe this wouldn't work out for the better. Sure, he had promised himself that if he ever got to see her, got to speak to her again, that he would figure out a way to somehow make it work whether it was by becoming friends again or acquaintances, or something more. Yet now, as he stood on the lawn of his new frat house with her, both crying and holding themselves because they ached for comfort, the optimism that he had hidden away began to waiver. 

 

He was quiet for a long while, listening to the sound of his own breathing and working through his thoughts. They were slower now, less jumbled, more rational. He could think through what he wanted to say now that his mind wasn't spinning a mile a minute due to the first punch of startled emotions, but what was there to say if she didn't want him to apologize. 

 

Preston swallowed past the knot in his throat, ignoring the growing feeling of dread in his stomach. The same feeling that had occupied the space on the day he left for college. He had waited in his driveway in his car well past the time that he had planned to leave in hopes that maybe, just maybe, Sofia would pull up. When he finally had decided to leave, to reverse the roles that he had spent all the time waiting for her to fill, he drove by her house to see her driveway empty and - well, his drive to the airport wasn't the most peaceful drive of his life. 

 

"Do you want to stay away, Sofia?" His voice was as surprisingly composed as hers had been as if he was bracing for an impact. The calm before the storm.



#118 Sofia Woods

Sofia Woods

Posted 01 July 2016 - 05:25 AM

Did she want to stay away? 

 

Of course she did. He was a source of deeply ugly memories, a reminder of the worst sides of herself, a prime example of why she had trouble trusting others. Even if she brought it on herself the wounds were still there, easily picked away by his mere presence, her entire being flooding with anger and dramatics.

 

Of course she didn't. He was her best friend since childhood, her most trusted confidante for years, a reminder of the best parts of herself. Perhaps friendship could be an option again, despite the things they'd been through. 

 

So she hesitated, swallowing thickly, eyes still not quite meeting his. "Do you?" She deflected, unable to answer his question directly and honestly.



#119 Peter Tomasz

Peter Tomasz

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Posted 08 July 2016 - 12:32 AM

Better late than never...

For the last week Peter had been alone in his dorm room, struggling to get the last of his assignemnt papers done. To achieve this he had to raid the campus library for a mountain of books to get the right references and information for his final written paper. There was so much he had to consider and to discard to finally have a concise and accurate line of arguement for what he wrote.

 

Finally it was written, proof read (three times!), printed off and delivered to the Department office drop box for processing. After that he had to dart across the campus and return the books he borrowed and then check he had none outstanding (he hated to find his had a late return fine attached to his name!). A work out after dinner and he was back to his dorm room to shower and change. Only the stresses and intense activty of the day had worn him out and what seemed like 'resting his eyes for a moment' turned into a five hour deep sleep in his chair at his desk.

 

Awaken he grumbled to himself as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and continued dressing. Hurrying from his dorm room, he made his way  to the Kappa Zeta Epsilon party. He had promised his friend Beth that he would meet her there- she thought he was working too hard and 'wasn't any damn fun any more'. Obviously she didn't get how seriously he took his studies and staying in shape for wrestling season.

 

It was as he expected when he arrived- a multitude of people making too much noise and drinking too much booze.

He smiled. What the hell...everyone including him needed to cut lose once in a while. Grabbing a cup of beer he strained to see over the other people to see if he could see Beth.







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