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Xavier Sims

Member Since 22 Jan 2015
Offline Last Active Jun 06 2016 05:15 AM

Topics I've Started

Dylan Jackson

27 February 2015 - 09:48 AM



21. junior. donald glover.


> january 10

major of study

> music business > production


> memphis > tennessee > US


> jazz band

Are you pretentious? Maybe you're just solid in your views and interests; you like yourself, you like your habits, and you kinda like your life. Yeah, you can be a bit opinionated and stubborn in that sense-- you tend to dislike things based on simple hype alone and you find yourself overly critical of other people's tastes-- but you've been trying to be a bit more open-minded lately. Still, pretentious is a decent label and even you're willing to admit it every now and then.

Arrogant, too. Oddly you're arrogant yet you have your own reservations and worries about just that. Somehow you come across as humble so long as your pretentious side stays hidden; you stay quiet, go about your business, and generally make what you like. Music, film, whatever. You just do you and you don't take anyone else's opinion into account. If they don't get it, they didn't get the proper message. Because yeah, you tend to think so much of yourself that you think your art depicts a meaningful message. (Maybe that's true. That's subjective.)

You don't have many friends. You're not as compassionate as others. As an INTJyou apply logic to most things you do, yet you're simultaneously capable of thinking creatively, finding meaning in the tiniest thing. You connect with the occasional person but feel no true desire to delve deeper; perhaps that's part of your image as being pretentious. You're a private person, a bit elitist at times, yet you express yourself in your art. Your media. It tells a story of who you are, even if you never directly stay it.

Still, you find it difficult to open up to others. This doesn't trouble you. It's lonely sometimes but you've always worked well alone. An only child of a somewhat wealthy family, you were entertained plenty as a child, your interests always being fostered immediately. You had a plethora of things to entertain you, including the internet.

So perhaps it's even inaccurate to say you don't connect to anyone. The anonymity of the internet has given you a place to be more open, a place to let out your feelings and argue and be you. You have friends there but you keep your public life private, leading to a not-so-interesting double life.

Once you had an internet girlfriend. Once. In high school people teased you and you retreated consistently to the internet, only to find a receptive girl on the other side who shared the same struggles. Two years later you're both in college, yet you've shared few details in regards to your life; in some empty gesture in deeply connecting with her, you agreed to date her. And eventually, you shared your details with her. She ended up living a mere hour away from your university.

It wasn't as if you were catfished. Just that things were different upon meeting her. It was uncomfortable and strange and everything you disliked about being in person with other people in the first place. The awkward silences, the grating sound of someone chewing their food too loudly, the inability to think more on what you're saying. Wondering what to do with your hands. And strange heart palpitations when she smiled a little too affectionately at you. That scared you. It put up a wall you never knew you had. And it deterred you from interest in future relationships.

Not that it deterred you from flings. You don't necessarily "get around," but you're also not afraid to score every now and then. In fact many women are attracted to your mysterious personality, only to understand you more through your music. You take advantage of that. It's not a kind thing to do, but you've never been that kind to begin with. Just you. Self-centered, driven to succeed, and content being alone. It isn't as if you put on a fake face.

Someday you might find meaningful relationships. You think about it sometimes, but it doesn't stress you out. It's just that you don't claim to know what will happen next. You've always been a skeptic in that way; not necessarily a cynic, but certainly doubtful of everything you approach. Perhaps that's why you're pretentious. You simply don't trust by nature. And you don't really commit. You're agnostic, relationship-free, careful in even your friendships. But that's alright. It's better than committing to something and feeling miserable.

Mental illness has always been very real to you, however. You hold unrealistic standards to yourself. Sure, you are content being alone most of the time, but hidden underneath that belief is a deep desire to know at least one person deeply. You push it away. You deny it. You only explore those thoughts when deeply drunk and depressed, smashing items against the wall because it's the only way you know to express yourself. Maybe your music carries hints of that. No lyrics-- you don't sing-- but your mixes. Sometimes it's merely ambient, minors and long chords and your mood displayed for the public to see. It's the only thing that soothes you when you crash.


27. CST. AIM: thedogisawesome. character #14.

application by nicole (i, ii, iii, iv).